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In accordance with their housing placement policies, ResLife is conveniently sidestepping the fact that the students they reject from the Wellness dorm would probably benefit most of all from an environment centered around wellness.
“I was rejected from Wellness last year because I was too unwell,” stated Maria Abboud ‘23.5 from her room in Minden, which doesn’t have a single wall without a hole in it. “You’d think that surfing, mediation, and journaling would do it, but no. I guess I’ll never be as well as the students who make it into Wellness.”
ResLife continues to offer Wellness as an alternative to traditional Brown University dorm life, the conditions of which make students actively unwell.
“Maybe if I lived closer to the Nelson or had easier access to programs supporting wellness, I would be well enough to live in Wellness,” claimed Abboud as she climbed up on her bed to avoid uncontrollable flooding coming from her bathroom. “Oh well. I guess it’s my fault for not eating solely organic foods and slouching when I sit. ResLife can’t let just anybody in to Wellness. That would bring down the wellness for everyone else.”
At press time, ResLife was attempting to devise a dorm experience that would encourage smart money habits in students by requiring a down payment for acceptance.
