Tearing up at the thought of all the people who watched and wished he'd get involved in a fiery wreck, retiring NASCAR driver Greg Biffle thanked his fans for their incredible support in constantly hoping they'd get to watch him slam into the racetrack wall at 170 miles per hour, potentially spiralling him into a stunning crash that would involve several other stock cars and hopefully a lot of flames. "It's been a long, winding road for me over the past 15 years," said Biffle, who has attracted a loyal following of people who would love to see him send his car ragdolling across the pavement and would honestly be disappointed to go home not seeing him or one of their other favorite racers forced to abandon their smoking cars before the race had finished. "I want to thank all my bloodthirsty, contact-high fans for being there for me, drunkenly cheering every time I got into a life-threatening accident at incredible speeds. I've never felt more encouraged than when I was pushed sideways in Atlanta last year, causing a multi-car wreck that forced me and eight other drivers to forfeit the race." Biffle reportedly plans to rig his car to plastic explosives in his last race and detonate just as he crosses the finish line, as is the custom for all NASCAR drivers.

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