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Last Saturday evening, several professors and administrators gathered to bid farewell to beloved Professor of English Alan Blake, who will be departing from the University at the end of this semester.
In an open letter to faculty and students, Blake noted that though he is sad to be stepping down, he looks forward to being able to spend more time with his wife and kids. Except for Kevin.
“It’s going to be great to play catch in the backyard with Stu, take Katie to the daddy-daughter dance at her school, and of course sit by the fire with my lovely wife, Marilyn,” said Blake, who has taught at the University for 40 years.
“If Kevin wants to do something, well, maybe I can squeeze something in. Doubt it, though. I’m gonna be pretty busy. Also, fuck that kid.”
On Blake’s desk sits a picture of himself with wife Marilyn, Stuart, eight years old, and Katie, 15 years old. 12-year-old Kevin also appears in the photo, his features scribbled over with permanent marker. A word bubble near his face reads “I suck.”
As much as he has loved teaching at the University, Blake said that it has interfered several times with being the best father and husband he can be.
“It really just killed me when I couldn’t be there for Stu’s soccer finals or Katie’s junior high graduation. Really dodged a bullet on Kevin’s piano recital, though. Thank God for finals week, am I right?”
Blake has said that he might even take a road trip with the family over winter break, although the destination has yet to be decided.
“I’m open to suggestions from anyone! Except, of course, from Kevin,” said Blake as he adjusted the picture in the frame so as to crop his son out of the picture. “Kevin’s words mean nothing to me. Less than nothing.”
When asked why he felt this way, Blake gazed once more at the photograph.
“Why? He knows why."
