Partly Cloudy, 64°
Hanging up a circle on their fridge with only one name on it, roommates Rebecca Crane ’22, Nora Lukas ’22, and Marnie Braverman ’22.5 have devised a simple chore wheel where Marnie just fucking does everything.
“It’s a really amazing system we’ve devised,” said Braverman, elbow-deep in dishwater as her two roommates hung out in the other room. “Basically I do the dishes every day. And the floors are cleaned by me. The person who takes out the trash is me as well. I clean the bathroom on Wednesdays, and on Thursdays, I sort the mail. Thankfully, my roommates are there to help by not doing a goddamned thing.”
According to sources close to the roommates, Crane and Lukas were instrumental in coming up with the idea for the chore wheel, even going so far as to pick the color of the construction paper. Sources did confirm, however, that Braverman was the one to buy the materials and put it together.
“Back when we tried to split the chores three-ways, the apartment would always end up messy,” Braverman said, cleaning up the crusted remains of her roommates’ DIY taco night while they occasionally walked by to get water from the Britta they never refill. “But ever since we created this cute, simple system where I just fucking do everything that needs to be done so we don’t live in a fucking barnyard, the apartment has been spotless! Plus, we never have to think about how we should divvy up the chores. Thanks to the wheel, we all know it’s just going to fucking be me who has to do it all.”
At press time, Braverman is now doing her roommates’ laundry and cooking their dinners.
