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Police at the local precinct are up in arms today, following the discovery of rookie cop Chad Peterson’s rulebook thrown casually—carelessly, even—into the trash.
“Look at this,” said Police Chief Robert Linehan, paging through the discarded rulebook. “It’s hardly creased. I don’t think he even read this rulebook before he just threw it in the garbage.”
Added Linehan, “It’s almost as if he doesn’t care about the rulebook at all!”
Further investigation turned up Peterson’s regulations manual in the recycle bin, his guidelines in the dumpster, and his code of police conduct outside his office window. The objects seem to have been tossed aside abruptly, as if he had far more important things on his mind at the time.
“I don’t understand,” said Deputy Chief Rick McButt. “You’re supposed to read the rule book. How can you follow the rule book if you don’t read it? So weird. I don’t understand. What?”
Members of the force reported that from his first day in the force, Peterson has been something of a renegade. He often sits in the back of department meetings, smiling sardonically as the chief outlines bureaucratic minutia. Multiple officers have seen him slap his palm against a locker in anger from time to time.
“Men like Peterson have no place on this force,” said Max Haverhill, veteran officer. “The rule book’s gotten me through decades of police work, and I always treat it with respect. I can’t even conceive of a mindset that would lead an officer to do what he did.”
Added Haverhill, “I hope I never have to partner with this half-crazed, youth-addled loose cannon. I can’t even imagine our working relationship.”
As of press time, witnesses around town reported seeing the rookie cop shooting his gun and asking questions, in that order.
