Partly Cloudy, 64°
According to campus sources, Brown’s student body is quickly coming to the realization that the Brown Sailing Team is pretty much just taking credit for what the boats do.
“I mean, now that I think about it, it’s not the people who are doing all the floating and stuff,” stated Wilma Beebles ‘24 while watching the sailing team getting ready for a race against other boats. “Actually, I’m not sure why the people are on the boat all.”
“In fact, the people are probably making the boat slower because they’re weighing it down. What do they even contribute? I guess they tie knots and stuff, but that seems pretty insignificant compared to not sinking.”
“I guess the wind is also doing stuff because it’s blowing into the sail and moving the boat, but really, the boat should be the one getting the glory,” claimed Beebles as she listened to a sailing team member explaining the importance of leaning and pulling ropes while on a boat. “At most, I could give credit to the person who made the boat. But anyone who says that they sail is blatantly ignoring the fact that the boat is the one doing the sailing.”
At press time, Beebles had decided that racecar drivers were pretty full of themselves considering they were just people who had exceptionally fast cars.
