Friday, November 24, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Sailor Really Getting Off On Using Special Words For Left, Right, Front, Back

Published Friday, November 3rd, 2017

Sources close to ship captain Paul Morran report that he clearly gets off on using the ship terms for left, right, front, and back.

“We got lunch together the other day and he went out of his way to work “starboard” into the conversation when he was directing me toward the restaurant bathroom,” reports Morran’s friend, Shelley Dune. “Like we get it, Paul: because of your profession, you know special words for the directions that we don’t. You don’t have to make a big deal about it. Just say ‘right.’”

According to Dune, Morran also obviously enjoys correcting himself and changing to regular directional words.

“The beers should be on the second shelf of the fridge, toward the bow,” Morran reportedly said the last time he hung out with Dune, obviously to show off. “Oops, I’m sorry I forgot my audience. Bow means ‘front.’ Sorry, it’s just the way I speak.”

“Shelley, there’s a drink right on your port side so be careful not to knock it over,” Morran said later in the day, grinning at the way he just established his intellectual dominance. “Left, left, left. I mean left. Sorry, those are sea words. They’re designed for sailors not for laypeople.”

At press time, Morran used the phrase “drop anchor” when telling Dune the best place to park her car outside his house.

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