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The Brown Noser

Same Balding Sophomore Cast As Adult In Every Campus Theatre Production

Published Friday, December 3rd, 2021

According to sources, balding sophomore Drake Farber is cast as the trademark adult in every single theatre production on campus.

“There’s something about him that just reads as ‘adult’,” said student director Maria McKright ’21.5. “He played the headmaster in Spring Awakening, the dad in Next to Normal, and the principal in The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Each time he plays some random middle-aged guy, his performance is more believable than the last! He’s very good at what he does.”

Sources report that ever since Farber, who began balding in high school, arrived on campus, he’s been cast in every musical or play, as long as it calls for an adult.

“I don’t know what it is that makes him so good at this,” McKright said, looking on as Farber applied old-age makeup directly below his receding hairline in order to play the butler in The Drowsy Chaperone. “But when I watch him play an adult, I forget that he’s even acting!”

At press time, the same British guy was cast as the narrator in any production that called for one.

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