Friday, November 15, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Scary Kid Refers To It As “All Hallows Eve”

Published Friday, October 25th, 2019

Local sources report that neighborhood kid Jared Buckley keeps referring to the approaching October 31st holiday as “All Hallows Eve.”

“Jared has always been a little different around this time of year,” said Buckley’s mother as her son whispered ominously about dissolving the boundary between the living and dead. “As soon as he began saying ‘All Hallow’s Eve’ instead of ‘Halloween,’ we knew that he’d never be one for lighthearted trick-or-treating with the other kids. He usually just likes to stay inside with his Ouija board or shuffle around the house with a candle under his chin.”

According to witnesses, the boy has been heard muttering under his breath for the last week, talking about “guiding the Spirits” while classmates plan their costumes and discuss their favorite candies.

“I always thought that the Buckley boy was a bit spooky," said a mother of one of Jared’s classmates. “Especially since he said couldn’t come to my Teddy’s birthday party because he had to ‘prepare for the harvest.’ I could have sworn I heard him mutter something about a blood sacrifice and finding the proper cauldron.”

By press time, Jared was seen collecting gourds and scented autumnal candles in anticipation of the approaching holiday, mysteriously referencing vague plans to “feed the restless souls.”

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