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The Brown Noser

Scientist Never Dreamed Research Findings Wouldn't Be Weaponized

Published Friday, April 25th, 2014

Responding to news that several of his advances in aerodynamic engineering would be used in the creation of a new model of ballistic missile, Lockheed Martin-employed scientist Richard Conwell expressed no surprise that his experimental research would be weaponized. “I’m a scientist, not a butcher—which is why I work in weapons technology instead of a different sector of the defense industry,” said Conwell, who never once imagined that his mathematical and scientific acuity wouldn’t someday be put to exactly this sort of end. “Had I not known that my findings would be taken from me by executive higher-ups and handed off to another engineer working in isolation on a similar problem, I never would have put pen to paper.” Conwell went on to remark that he did not know with what weapons World War III will be fought—though, he said, if he were forced to hazard a professional guess, it will probably be fought with a combination of submarine-launched warhead volleys and the elimination of specific, personal targets by way precision-guided smart bombs.

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