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A new study from the Pew Research Center concludes that lucid dreaming is actually totally fucking dumb.
“These findings contradict our initial hypothesis that lucid dreaming is a profound cerebral phenomenon involving elevated states of consciousness,” said lead researcher Jack Vernon. “Now, we have definitive evidence that lucid dreaming is actually just fucking lame as shit and means literally nothing.”
Rachel Anderson, a PhD student specializing in sleep patterns, said these findings will dramatically alter the focus of her research. “Initially, I was interested in how lucid dreaming signals emotional intelligence,” said Anderson. “Instead, I’m going to write my dissertation on why lucid dreaming is the most idiotic fucking thing in the world, something that only dipshit morons and losers waste their time looking for significance in.”
Anderson added, “I hope the research team wins this year’s Nobel Prize. The confirmation that lucid dreaming is utter fucking idiocy is a monumental scientific achievement.”
Rick Benson, founder of the American Lucid Dreaming Society, is disappointed by the findings. “I consider myself a professional lucid dreamer even though my friends and family always told me it was the dumbest fucking thing in the fucking universe. I’ll keep on lucid dreaming, but I guess it might be a little stupid,” he commented.
At press time, scientists embarked on a new study to determine if déjà vu is a fucking absurd crock of bullshit.
