Monday, October 23, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Sea Captain Names Wife After Boat

Published Friday, March 17th, 2017

In a loving gesture, sea captain Artie McEachern has named his wife after his beautiful vessel of ten years, sources report.

“This way, my boat will always be with me even when I have to be at home,” said McEachern, who has reportedly pinned a picture of his beloved boat on his wife, so he could look at it occasionally while he was at home. “You lads call me crazy, but sometimes when it gets real lonely at home, I’ll even put my salty lips to that old picture."

The sea captain reported that at home he sometimes goes days at a time without talking, smiling, or thinking at all about another person, often eating meals alone and rocking in his hammock.

“You have to understand. Sometimes I’m away from my boat for six or seven days at a time, and while there’s no substitute for the real thing, seeing her name painted in big blue letters on my wife’s starboard side warms this old captain’s heart,” said McEachern.

At press time, Seas the Day II had reportedly filed for divorce.

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