Sources at the Department of the Interior confirm that U.S. Secretary of the Interior Sally Jewell spent the entirety of last Monday morning restocking pinecones that had fallen or been picked from conifer branches in Yosemite National Park.

“I handle a lot of paperwork everyday that gets funding for the parks and keeps loggers and poachers away from them,” reported Jewell as she tended to a Douglas fir. “But it’s the smaller things, like maintaining a proper pinecone quotient, that are what my job is really about.”

Jewell was later seen by park visitors stepping back to examine her placement of several large pinecones near the base of a tree.

“This is probably the most important thing I do,” Jewell added, scattering a bag of broken pinecones along a game trail. “Underappreciated, but very important.”

At press time, Jewell was touching up weathering marks on El Capitan.

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