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Noting that the track would be slick, sexy, and dance floor ready, Secretary of Urban Contemporary Development Shaun Harrison told reporters at a cabinet briefing Monday that he is hard at work on a brand new Downtempo R&B jam. “Though we initiated production just a few short days ago, I can say to the American public with confidence that the synths on this number will be cold as ice, smooth as glass, and thick like heavy cream—they crackle like a wood stove, and burn just as nice, too,” Harrison said as he leaned against his podium and fingered a smoking hot groove on his bass guitar. “The American people will get down to this track—of that I have no doubt. It’s a big hot jam, drenched in sweat—passionate, sensual, lush but restrained. A wild combination of dank, messianic rhythms and pure sex. I’m confident that implementation of the track into clubs and dance-halls across the nation will go off without a hitch—and with plenty of body-to-body contact.” At press time, Harrison could reportedly be heard wailing on his sax in the East Wing of the White House all night long.
