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The Brown Noser

Secretary Spicer Trying Some Stuff Out On Press He Saw On Pick-Up Artist Forum

Published Friday, March 17th, 2017

At a press conference this past Wednesday, Secretary Sean Spicer was seen employing tactics on journalists he had read about on an online forum for pick-up artists.

“That’s a really nice tie,” Secretary Spicer reportedly told Associated Press Correspondent Michael Blair, before disinterestedly lighting a cigarette and looking in the other direction. “Really distracts from your receding hairline.”

“You,” Spicer was reported as saying while pointing at Times journalist Monique Simpson. “What’s your name again? Yeah, don’t expect me to remember that.”

“This is negging,” Secretary Spicer told the collected journalists. “I’m negging you.”

“He came in this morning talking about some reddit page,” White House aide Jim Forest recounted. “He said he hoped it would help him make a good impression on the press. I’m pretty sure I saw him rehearsing by himself before the briefing.”

At press time, the journalists had left the conference after Secretary Spicer had begun giving them the silent treatment from the podium after loudly stating he had numerous other, hotter, journalists on speed dial.

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