Friday, June 21, 2024
Partly Cloudy icon Partly Cloudy, 64°

The Brown Noser

Senior Asking All His Contacts For One Last Hookup Like He Door-Knocking Jehovah’s Witness

Published Friday, May 12th, 2023

Promptly deleting yet another text, annoyed sources report that graduating senior Jude Brentwood is asking every girl in his contacts for one last hookup with the dedication of a Jehovah’s Witness going door to door.

“Hey, miss your cute face :)” texted Brentwood to a girl he last spoke to in 2019 with the boldness of a suit-clad evangelist meeting a new potential convert. “Come watch a movie at my place this week?”

“I’ve been wanting to hang out for so long,” Brentwood messaged a girl from an Econ group project last year as if he were a determined missionary eager to find new souls with whom to share the gospel. “Down to grab a drink together and catch up?”

At press time, Brentwood was looking forward to seeing his Senior Scramble matches like a monk eagerly preparing for his favorite feast day.

Article tools

Search The Brown Noser

  • Loading…