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Area man Lucas Wilk yesterday confided to his wife he wished to “curl up in bed with her and just enjoy the feelings of warmth and closeness,” in a sickening display of twisted sexual perversion.
“We’ve been married 15 years, but I’ve never heard him ask for something so depraved,” said his wife Sheila. “I thought we were open with each other, but he must have been suppressing these sick urges for his entire life.”
“I just really enjoy cuddling, you know?" said Wilk, attempting to rationalize away his horrific defects, the disgusting freak. "Sometimes a guy just wants to be close to his wife. There’s not much more to it.”
The Wilks’ neighbors and family were appalled when Wilk accidentally let his desires slip in conversation. “He just threw it out there at our summer cookout, like it was nothing,” said Wilk’s friend Bill Paulson. “I’m prepared to hear some sick shit from my friends, but this was over the line. We are no longer friends.”
The Wilks have entered couples therapy and are trying to reconcile Wilk’s cravings. “No one ever told me how to handle something like this,” said Sheila. “You think you know somebody, and then the world turns upside down.” As of press time, Wilk had tried to comfort her by putting a hand on her shoulder, causing her to scream for 10 minutes.
