Sources found that Ismachaiah, mentioned briefly in Genesis 31:6, was probably some shitty doofus because he barely begat any offspring. “And after he begat Cainan, Enos lived eight hundred and fifteen years and begat myriad sons and daughters,” begins the Bible’s recounting of the lineage of Noah before quickly glossing over that practically infertile dipshit Ismachiah. “And Cainan lived seventy years and was fruitful. His son Ismachaiah begat only Enoch. Enoch lived two hundred and five years and begat thirty sons and daughters.” Though that pudgy loser Ismachaiah only got laid once in his sorry life, his great-great grandson Lamech, who begat eighty sons and daughters, must have been one supremely fuckable ancient stud.

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