Tuesday, November 24, 2020
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The Brown Noser

Shitty Clockmaker Doesnt Even Ruminate On Nature Of Time

Published Friday, October 30th, 2020

Sources reported that shitty clockmaker Irving Krellwitz doesn’t even ruminate on the nature of time.

“There’s no point in making and selling clocks if you’re not gonna deeply contemplate time and its passage,” commented customer Thelma Fandor. “Irving never says shit about the sands of time or the great hands of the clock of fate, he just has a bunch of actual clocks and watches. And none of them are like mysterious artifact clocks that he eyes suspiciously and won’t explain why he won’t sell — everything in his shop is just for sale.”

“My watch broke so I brought it in, and Irving literally didn’t do anything cool, he just said he’d fix it and have it ready in a few days,” Fandor continued. “I didn’t even have to tap him on the shoulder to get his attention because he was too engrossed in putting together the mechanism of a pocketwatch. And Irving definitely doesn’t have an hourglass that he uses as a visual-metaphorical aid to explain how time is both within us and beyond us.”

At press time, Krellwitz wasn’t even wearing watches all the way up both of his arms.

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