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The Brown Noser

Shitty Grandma Doesn’t Even Know How To Knit

Published Friday, March 9th, 2018

According to her grandchildren, Pawtucket grandmother Lindsey Trent doesn’t even know how to knit.

“You expect certain things from a grandmother,” said her grandson Malik, “And one of those things is that she knits. She knits a lot. Sure, Grandma loves tea and buys us really generous Christmas gifts. But the not being able to knit thing is a big red flag.”

Malik went on to report that what he found disappointing was that his grandmother had time to knit over the course of her life, but never did.

“I’m not even her first grandchild,” he reported. “You would have think she would’ve pulled it together by the time I came around.”

“She just should have known what she was getting into when she got into the whole grandmother gig,” he continued. “If I can’t count on being able to see my grandma cozied up in big armchair, working away on a half finished mitten, then what is there that I can count on?”

At press time, Trent was learning how to crochet as if that was that was the same thing.

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