Sources report that some dumb old hamburger did a terrible job of taking on that full sized hydraulic press. “Yeah it really could’ve gone either way,” said Hydraulics expert Fred Paper. “We usually use this machinery to fold and shape heavy metals, but when we set that old hamburger out on the platform we really had no idea what was gonna happen. Was it all going to blow up? Nobody knew.” When the hamburger was easily squashed down into a paste, Paper seemed disappointed. “Damn it,” he said. “You really would’ve expected this old hamburger to have stayed intact. What a shame. Waste of a cow, too.” At press time, the hydraulic press will take on a pile of play-doh, and who knows what’ll happen.

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