Partly Cloudy, 64°
In an appalling display of ignorance, shitty pre-med student Matteo Lopez ’25 admitted he has no idea why his friend Lola Oladapo’s arm hurts.
“The whole thing was very unprofessional,” Oladapo explained, rubbing her left arm in discomfort. “He didn’t take vitals or run any tests. Not even so much as an X-ray.”
“You would think with all his talk of orgo exams and the MCAT he’d be able to help me with something this simple,” Oladapo continued. “But no. He just kept saying I should ‘look it up.’ He wouldn’t even prescribe me any painkiller for the pain.”
At press time, Oladapo’s shitty Literary Arts friend hadn’t even published a novella yet.
