Sources report that frat bro Graham Groban’s shutter shades are keeping him from realizing that he’s on a totally sick nude beach, and he’s not going to find out because his shutter shades are way too sweet to ever take off.
Friends of Groban say that no matter what direction Groban tilted his head, somehow the bars of his sunglasses somehow completely covered up “the sweet spots on these honeys."
“It’s, like, fine out here, I guess,” Groban said, sunning himself on a Bud Light towel. “I got my natty light, my corn hole, and these baller shades. The only thing that would make this better is if these chicks were all naked. Then I could look at them through these shutter shades and they’d have, like, no idea I was doing it.” Groban sat up and looked wistfully to the waves as three naked college girls walked by, perfectly censored by the green plastic stripes in front of Groban’s eyes. “If only.”
Groban’s fellow bro Gabe White lamented the situation. “There are so many tits out here, and Grobey has no idea. But we can’t tell him to take the shades off, cuz those shades are, like, fresh as fuck.” White shook his head and took in the view, commenting that Groban was “too fresh for his own good.”
Groban’s predicament was not remedied by his snapback, which fell over his face whenever chicks were checking him out.