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The Brown Noser

Sleazy Butterfly Hits On All The Caterpillars

Published Friday, March 17th, 2017

According to recent reports, a sleazy butterfly has been hitting on all of the caterpillars. Caterpillars have reported that while butterflies generally search for other butterfly mates after coming out of their cocoons, this particular one flutters around the green leaves that the caterpillars feed on every day.

“That’s what I love about caterpillars,” said the butterfly, flipping his antennae. “I molt, molt again, molt a third time, molt a fourth time, spin a girdle, form a chrysalis, grow wings, grow wing veins, change my chewing mouthparts to sucking mouthparts, and grow antennae, and they stay the same age. Yes, sir.”

Sources report that the butterfly will often solicit caterpillars at the edge of a leaves, offering them rides on his wings and asking if they’ve ever seen inside a cocoon before.

“They come out of the chrysalis as butterflies, and they just get so uptight,” said the butterfly. “Like, once they get wings, they’re suddenly all that, focused on pollinating and what-not. Most caterpillars can’t even tell if you’re a Lycaenidae or Nymphalidae. They all just think it’s so awesome you can flap.”

Caterpillar reactions have been unanimously negative, sources report. Scoffed one caterpillar, “That butterfly went through metamorphosis, like, before I even hatched."

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