After finding her favorite toy all tangled up, local 6-year-old Marcie Ackerman resigned herself to the fact that her Slinky is just gonna be fucked up forever now. “I was definitely bummed when it reached the bottom of the stairs in a big clump, but that’s just the way these things go, you know?“ said Ackerman with a wise stare and a soulful nod. “Sure, I wish that my Slinky would still be bouncy fun instead of a sad, fucked-up knot, but that’s just the way things are gonna be from now on, and I have to accept that. To be perfectly honest with you, my birthday is next week and I’m pretty sure gonna get one of those dolls that fly when you spin them between your hands, so I’ll probably have forgotten about the Slinky anyway." At press time, Ackerman’s Silly Putty is just gonna be full of dirt from now on.

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