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The Brown Noser

Socially Liberal But Fiscally Conservative Student Hates Poor People, Loves Gay People, Feels Ambivalent About Poor Gay People

Published Friday, March 6th, 2020

Socially liberal but fiscally conservative student Tyler Williams ’20 reportedly hates poor people, loves gay people, and feels ambivalent poor gay people.

“Let me break it down for you,” Williams said, laying out his worldview. “Gay people? Great. Poor people? Get a fucking job. Poor gay people? No opinion.”

“Listen, I have plenty of gay friends,” remarked Williams, who has both a pride flag and a vineyard vines sticker on his laptop. “My girlfriend kissed another girl once. Gay people don’t bother me. It’s poor people I can’t stand. I don’t get why they can’t just work hard.”

“Poor gay people on the other hand…” he trailed off, lost in thought. “I’m not sure. I just don’t know.”

At press time, Williams confirmed that he felt equally ambivalent about poor people of color and poor women.

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