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An investigation confirmed that the solar eclipse was staged by Brown Admissions as a scheme to get students on the Main Green for brochure photos.
“We looked closely into the issue and found extensive proof that the whole thing was a hoax,” said a student representative from Brown Flat Earth Society. “The eclipse occurred at exactly 3:29 p.m. Three minus two plus nine is 10. Christina Paxson has 10 BMWs parked in her garage. Coincidence? I think not.”
“I even spotted Paxson bribing students with these funky glasses to get them out on the Green,” added anti-conspiracist and truth teller Alex Jones. “And at the moment of totality, Paxson was wearing green earrings. Green as in go…as in telling Logan Powell to go get the cameras ready!”
“I saw students taking photos themselves! The brainwashing must be spreading,” said the Brown Flat Earth Society representative. “These red pillers don’t know what they’re doing,” he added with a sigh.
At press time, not a single Admissions photographer was seen on the Main Green during the recent encampment.
