Monday, October 23, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Someone Up There Has A Plan, And That Someone Is Me, by Hickory Wade, Airline Pilot

Published Friday, March 17th, 2017

We live in uncertain times. Every night, we go to sleep unsure of what the morning brings. Fear and hate seem to dominate the world during a time when all we need is more love for our fellow humans. But let me assure you: someone up there has a plan. And that someone is me, Hickory Wade, veteran American Airlines pilot.

Yessir-I’m Hickory Wade, I’ve been flying for twenty-six years, and when I’m 60,000 feet up, barrelling through the air at 650 miles per hour, you can rest assured that I have a plan.

Can you imagine if I didn’t have a plan? We’d be circling JFK for hours. We might not even reach cruising altitude. No, I’ve got a plan, and it’s a damn good one.

Step one: Take off. Step two: fly to our destination airport. Step three: Land. That’s right, land-lubbers. I got a plan, and I follow it to the letter. You know why? Because I care about my plans. Not a dial gets turned in this cockpit without me knowing. Not a glass of champagne spills in the first class cabin without me hearing about it. Not a single goddamned seatbelt is left unfastened when I turn the sign on. When American Airlines needs a pilot who’ll get you from Newark to Columbus with nary a delay or unexpected bout of turbulence, they call the pilot with the plan. And that’s me, Hickory Wade.

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