Partly Cloudy, 64°
Many people don’t know this, but presidents, too, have a sense of humor. I love to joke around with folks in the Cabinet, and everyone knows I’m good for a laugh or two. But since winning the presidency, my favorite thing to do is josh around with Michelle. And when I’m feeling funny I’ll executive order her to do stuff, like pick up the kids from school, or take the trash out. It’s a gas, and she loves it too.
Just the other day I saw a big pile of clothes lying on the floor in the Lincoln Bedroom. This was a serious job, and she knows I’m good to split chores with her 50-50. Of course, though, I pointed at the pile and said, “I by presidential decree executive order you to wash this pile of clothes!” She thought it was so funny, and I told her I was just kidding and did the laundry myself. She loved it. I always do those sorts of wacky things around the White House, just to make it feel like a fun and less serious environment.
My best executive order was in 2009 when I did it the first time. She and I had been on a flight to New Mexico and I had mashed up all these pretzels and milk and cream cheese and stuff into a coke I was drinking. It was pretty nasty. I put it on her tray table and I said, “Hey, Michelle, I executive order you to eat this,” and when Michelle saw it she gasped. It was so gross. I thought it was so funny and so did she. She even picked it up and pretended like she was gonna drink it which was so disgusting, but she was just kidding. Michelle has a great sense of humor too.
One time, though, I executive ordered Michelle to gimme a kiss on the cheek and she didn’t like that. She said, “Barack, that’s obnoxious.” Obviously I meant it in a sweet way, but I understand why she was annoyed and I shouldn’t have done it. The goofier the better when it comes to executive ordering, I say. On Valentine’s Day I executive ordered her to be my Valentine. That went over better.
I’m thinking about on my last day in office executive ordering us to return to normal like before the presidency. I think she’ll think it’s nice, and it’ll feel cumulative, like we achieved something. I’m also going to executive order her to forgive me for operating an illegal drone program that I used to kill hundreds and hundreds of people, many of them civilians, without declaring war, and without due process. I hope she’ll forgive me for that, though all signs point to “No”.
