Partly Cloudy, 64°
Thrilled to be back on campus, local sophomore Francesco Fowler quickly remembered that he’s bad at literally every activity that would be fun to do on the main green.
“Ooh! I’ve always wanted to paint ‘en plein air,’ plus University hall looks beautiful in this light,” exclaimed Fowler, immediately realizing he doesn’t even have enough talent to draw a three dimensional object in the first place. “Or, well, hmmm. Painting could get kind of messy.”
“Or, oh my god, we have to go throw a frisbee out there – the weather is perfect,” continued Fowler, seconds before remembering he has absolutely zero ability to direct the path of a frisbee, not to mention no clue where he would get one in the first place. “I mean, it is kind of windy though, so maybe not.”
“Actually, let’s just go see if anyone’s playing music out there. We can just jump in and jam out!” added Fowler, ignoring the fact that he hasn’t touched an instrument since he was 10, and even then he was a very slow learner. “But, I don’t know, I don’t want to bother anyone with the noise, you know?”
At press time, a recent graduate was bad at literally everything their job requires.
