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The Brown Noser

Sophomore Giving Advice To Freshman Like He Wizened Monk Atop Mountain

Published Friday, September 16th, 2022

Sources report that sophomore Brian Frisk is offering advice to a freshman like a wizened monk sitting atop a mountain.

“Well, you should explore plenty of classes during shopping period,” said Frisk with the gravitas of an ancient spiritual guide who has spent his life in a state of isolated contemplation. “And remember, it’s perfectly all right to stay in some weekends, even if other people are going out a lot.”

“You probably won’t even talk to your orientation friend group in a few months,” added Frisk as if drawing from decades’ worth of wisdom, despite being just seven months older than the freshman. “And, by the way, most of these freshman couples that get together first semester are going to break up anyway.”

“You know, you don’t have to become best friends with your roommate, you only have to find a way to coexist,” said Frisk, sagely speaking as if the freshman were a lonely traveler entering a remote monastery in search of answers. “Just soak it all in. You’ll only get to experience this stage of life once.”

At press time, the freshman was giving advice to a high school senior applying to Brown as if he were a high-ranking member of the admissions committee.

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