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In a shocking turn of events, sorority recruitment is shaping up to be absolutely no match for the hardcore ultimate frisbee tryouts.
“I figured I could both rush a sorority and try out for ultimate frisbee, but ultimate frisbee has crushed my spirit,” said Lily Smith ’29, whose white dress was splattered with the muddy slush of the frisbee fields. “The sorority girls judged my sweater vest, but the ultimate frisbee captains yelled and threw frisbees at me during conditioning drills.”
“All of the small talk during rush was really exhausting, but it was nothing compared to ultimate,” added Smith, brushing tears from her eyes as she recalled her past trauma. “The team sat me down and made me circle my weakest muscles in Sharpie. They told me my calves were ‘conceptually lacking.’”
“When I got into a sorority, they asked me to wear a tutu to class one day for a harmless initiation,” continued Smith, who was still sporting the tutu in question. “But at the second round for ultimate, they made me do the milk mile while listening to ‘Tubthumping’ by Chumbawumba. I yakked into a frisbee.”
At press time, ultimate frisbee tryouts proved no match for a cappella auditions.
