Lauren's articles
Local grandmother Marsha Cohen, age 86, is just a little too sharp for family members to dismiss her bitchy comments as a side effect of old age.
“I keep waiting for her to put her keys in the fridge so we can all act like she doesn’t mean what she says,” said granddaughter Rachel Cohen, still reeling from being told that her macadamia nut blondies were as dry as her love life.
Classmates of the notoriously quiet Caleb Fink are seemingly unaware that the timid boy is actually the grimiest little freak to ever emerge from the infernos of hell.
“He seems really nice, but he never talks to anyone in class. I really hope that he has friends outside of class that get him out of his shell,” said Fink’s former lab partner Emily Peters as Fink himself crouched in the corner, pulled strands of hair out of a Ziploc bag labeled “Thursday,” and wove them into a tight little braid.
I know you don’t understand what it’s like to constantly be the hottest, most well-liked person in the room, but trust me, it’s a struggle. Sure, everyone is staring at my bronzed, toned legs that go on for miles and commenting on the way my cheekbones look like they were carved out of marble, but you know what they never talk about? My brain.
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