Partly Cloudy, 64°
Hey, I actually have to cancel on tonight, sorry. I’ve got to walk around campus letting freshmen know that they’re totally behind in the social scene. Like, totally and completely behind. I mean, someone’s got to tell them that if they don’t have a 15+ person friend group by the end of Orientation, they might as well give up on “the college experience.”
Yeah, skulking towards them across the Main Green is the plan for the night. Seeing who’s in on the spikeball circles and who’s excluded, that sorta thing. Reminding them that if they’re not in the two-Ratty-tables-pushed-together meal circle, they’re pretty much already lost to the social world.
A lot of people might say that finding friends takes time, and that college is about forming real connections with people you resonate with. Unfortunately, this is wrong. Now, I’m not saying that making friends is impossible, or all that difficult. You can meet people in any number of ways! I am saying, however, that you’re too late. By the third week of college, you should have at least 12-20 best friends. If you don’t, well, I hope you enjoy staying in on Fridays. No going out, picnicking or gallivanting about the Main Green for you. You’ll have to dwell in your dorm-dungeon until your four years are over, I’m afraid.
I actually can’t hang tomorrow, either. I’ve got to let all the pre-meds know that they’re definitely not going to pass Orgo.
