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Area stepdad Jamie Kucinich is reportedly sharpening the only chef’s knife in the kitchen with the quietly intense concentration and meticulous care one would expect from the Emperor’s most skilled and highly trained bladesmith.
Sources reported that Kucinich wordlessly unsheathed the blade — which had been dulled from being improperly used to open packages of Trader Joe’s ravioli — and gently but firmly began to grind its edge in the coarse sharpening slot of the Amazon-brand three-stage knife sharpening tool your mother bought him two Christmases ago, in a manner that would have been most pleasing to the Emperor were Kucinich in his service as the court’s most highly trusted and trained bladesmith.
Kucinich proceeded to rhythmically draw the blade through the sharpening tool’s two subsequent, finer-grained slots with the firm, steady pressure of a smith whose decades of experience and services have granted him the favor of the Emperor and his advisors. Upon sensing the blade edge’s perfect readiness, as only a person who knows the faces of blades to be as endless as the faces of people could confidently tell, Kucinich returned it to the densely-packed plastic bristles of the faux-wood exterior knife block to rest.
At press time, Kucinich was using the knife to cut up a banana.
