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The Brown Noser

Stop Using Headlines to Hit On Me, Says Local Beefcake

Published Friday, March 9th, 2018

Local hunky-monkey Bradly Haverford has made a formal request that Noser staff desist from using headlines to hit on him, the paper has been informed.

“At first it was kind of nice, I guess?” said Haverford huskily, effortlessly brushing a slightly curled lock of sandy-blond hair from the path of his emerald gaze, “but after the sixth or seventh mention it started to get a little creepy.”

Haverford is reported to be 6’2 and when last seen has an incredible chest a butt to match. He is also a sensitive, down-to-earth guy who is so funny when you give him the chance.

A star track member who can of course play “About a Girl” on guitar really well, Haverford initially drew the attention of this Noser reporter when taking his jacket off to keep a girl warm outside the Sci-Li, an act revealing both his kind, caring nature, and his incredible athletic body.

“I have no idea why they’re picking on me. I’m nothing special,” said Haverford, who totally is.

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