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The Brown Noser

Straight Guy Asserts Straightness Through Mid-Hug Thump On Back

Published Friday, April 24th, 2020

Meeting his best friend for the first time in while, local straight guy Chris White artfully reminded everyone of his heterosexuality by accentuating the friendly embrace with several mid-hug thumps on the back.

“Hey man! Long time no see,” said White as he embraced his friend, sneaking in a few solid thumps to eliminate any undertones of homosexuality. “I can’t believe we haven’t got the wife and kids together in so long.”

The two straight men, who were each other’s best man at their respective heterosexual weddings, continued the pats for several seconds, subconsciously glancing around to see if people recognized the hetero nature of the embrace.

“But who can miss a face like that,” added White, feeling heterosexually obligated to mitigate the public display of affection with an insult. “I’m just playing, nice to see you buddy.”

At press time, White was seen spacing himself as far as possible from the guy at the other urinal.

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