Partly Cloudy, 64°
According to sources, Mark Hitchley, a heterosexual white male who recently graduated from a top ranking university, thinks of himself as an underdog.
“Plenty of times in my life it seemed like the cards were stacked against me,” said Hitchley, whose skin color, gender, sexual orientation and socioeconomic background combine to more or less ensure that he never has to encounter even a fraction of the obstacles faced by his less privileged peers on a daily basis. “Like when I didn’t have a car in high school, or when I did eventually get a car but it was my mom’s old car and not a new car like I wanted. That was hard.”
Hitchley, who has never been stopped and frisked by police based solely on his ethnicity or been told by the government that he cannot marry the person he loves, claims that he has continually struggled to overcome societal circumstances outside his control.
“Probably the biggest setback I’ve faced was having to settle for my second choice school,” said Hitchley, who is fortunate enough to have grown up in a family that was able to pay for his college education when many of his peers had to either take out exorbitant loans or give up on the possibility of college entirely. “But it’s hardships like that that really prepare you for the real world.”
“By the real world, I of course mean a world in which my parents pay for my apartment while I do some kind of internship or just get a job working for my friend’s dad on Wall Street despite having none of the requisite skills,” he added. “Something tells me I’ll be ready for it though. Having been an underdog my whole life, how could I not be?”
