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After the Catholic Church announced Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina as the 266th pope, speculation began on what stances Pope Francis I would hold on issues important to the Church. One thing seems self-evident: the new pope is likely to hold very progressive views because he comes from a nation full of brownish people.
“Pontiffs tend to hold very conservative viewpoints, because they’re all really old and surrounded by white people all the time,” reported CNN shortly after Francis’ election. “But because this guy comes from a country where the majority of people are a minority, he’s likely to hold more progressive viewpoints on abortion and stem cells and stuff.”
Additional news outlets have speculated Francis will likely view abortion more favorably because “lots of those types of people get pregnant without meaning to and have to get abortions, and he was probably surrounded by that stuff every single day back home.”
Media sources have refused to comment on the fact that Argentina has a strict law banning abortions.
Pope Francis has also made it clear that he does not believe condoms to be an appropriate tool to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS, as they still promote promiscuity and unclean thoughts.
“You could actually see this as pretty progressive, because at least they’re acknowledging the existence of condoms,” reported The New York Times. “This is probably due to the time the new pope spent surrounded by people who used condoms.”
New outlets have also commented on the new pope’s popularity, which vastly surpasses that of the previous pope. “It makes sense because this guy rode the bus to work every day along with all the other poor people," said Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Edward Tate. "So he was really popular with all those brown people because a lot of brown people are poor.”
