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The Brown Noser

Struggling Dentist Industry Recommends At Least Two Dentist Appointments Per Day

Published Friday, December 4th, 2015

Trying to appear unworried despite bleak market predictions, National Dental Association spokesman Malik Henderson recommended every American visit the dentist at least twice per day.

“Oral hygiene is incredibly important, a fact that many Americans seem to have forgotten,” said Henderson, pointing a shaking hand at a chart indicating American dentist visits are declining at a rapid rate. “The only way to address this problem is for every American to visit the dentist more regularly—at the very least once when they get up in the morning, and once right before they go to bed.”

Henderson said it definitely wouldn’t hurt for every American to visit the dentist right after lunch, especially if they have a dental insurance plan that will pay very high rates with low co-pays and they want to make sure their dentist isn’t forced to close the practice they’ve been running for 37 years.

Pediatric dentist Camilla Stevens, D.D.S., echoed Henderson’s concerns, adding that it’s especially important to get children in the habit of visiting the dentist twice a day as early as possible, especially if that dentist has two children in college and bills due next week.

“If you start saying it’s okay for children not to get a dental checkup and maybe some expensive elective oral surgery every day, it will be even harder for them to start later in life,” Stevens said.

At press time, Henderson said he totally understood if Americans had trouble picking up the habit of flossing.

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