Curious if you’re a fellow member of her tax bracket or not, junior Eliza Voorhees is asking about your winter break plans to actually ask about your parents’ annual income.

“So, are you doing anything fun for winter break?” asked Voorhees, ready to estimate your family’s net worth upon hearing your response. “Florida! That’s so exciting. Miami or Orlando?”

While Voorhees appears to be asking questions for the sake of small talk, in reality, she only wants to know if your parents take you to Persimmon or Baja’s when they visit campus.

“Miami is so nice this time of year. All of my friends from the city spend New Year’s there,” added Voorhees, wondering if you refrain from wearing designer brands because you want to appear like you’re from modest circumstances or because you’re actually from modest circumstances. “Are you visiting family or do your parents have a place down there?”

Sources report that Voorhees’ inquiries are fueled not by a genuine interest in your life but by the desire to know if you fly private, business, economy, or not at all.

“A timeshare? I think my cleaning lady stays at one of those,” said Voorhees, confident that your parents will not be renting an Airbnb in Bristol the week of Commencement. “Well, I need to go, but I hope you enjoy your seven days in Florida!”

At press time, a student asking how your classes are going just wanted to know what grade you got on the final.

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