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The Brown Noser

Student Can't Wait For An Exciting Winter Break Spent Hating Every Second Of Winter Break

Published Friday, December 7th, 2018

As she booked her flight home, sophomore Carly Riese expressed her excitement for a long month of winter break, which will be spent hating every second of winter break.

“I can’t wait to break free from all the stress of school,” Riese explained. “Soon I’ll be home, with nothing to do but slowly descend into a deep, existential crisis! I’ll have time to read so many books and really get into my head about the inherent, depressing nature of a month spent worrying that I’m not doing anything productive.”

Cracking a tortured grin and reviewing her barren calendar, Riese continued to express her excitement.

“Some people take a Wintersession course or go to Europe with their families, but not me," she said. "I’m going to spend a month sleeping in until noon and, as I watch the minutes tick by, wondering what I could accomplish with all of that lost time. When I’ve had enough of that, I’ll have pointless arguments with my mom and maybe even get an early start on dreading spring semester. I’m going to feel like complete and utter garbage! I cannot wait!”

At press time, Riese was screaming into a pillow.

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