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The Brown Noser

Student Complaining About Being Broke Must Not See the LaCroix In Her Hand

Published Friday, April 20th, 2018

Sources report that junior Margie Hough expressed genuine distress over how broke she was even though she was very visibly holding a pamplemouse LaCroix that cost way too much for some bubbly water with half-faded flavor.

Seen longingly gazing at the people swinging in the windows of By Chloe, Hough felt her pre-allowance checking account balance weigh heavily on her. “I just,” she said between long sips of her LaCroix, “Feel that the expectations of wealth on this campus are unreasonable. Ugh, I’m so broke.”

"What people pay for these days honestly makes me so mad!" said Hough, totally ignoring the overpriced sparkling water she was sipping from to soothe her throat. "Look at those oilless, air-crisped fries people are eating in there. That food isn’t any better than regular food; it just has good branding that’s used to inflate the price higher than a broke college student like me could afford.”

At press time, Hough was Ubering to Whole Foods in order to pick up another carton of lime LaCroix, explaining to the driver how broke she was.

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