Last Wednesday, Jim Thuckman’s ’12 suitemates watched with amazement when he ran shouting out of his single with a perfectly formed golden nugget balanced on his forefinger. “It was exactly like the California Gold Rush, except I was in Providence in 2011 and I found the gold in my nose and not buried in the ground. Other than that, it was exactly the same thing,” reported Thuckman.

Classmates report that since his unexpected discovery Thuckman has been accompanied everywhere by a crusty old prospector named Janson. “I found him on Thayer outside Tedeschi’s. His name was Jason, but we added the extra ‘n’ because it felt right” Thuckman said while fondly patting Janson’s prosthetic hand. “During the California Gold Rush days, all my pals packed up their wheelbarrows and moon shine and moved out West. It seemed too easy. I had a mighty strong feeling that 150 years later I’d see nose-gold right here in Providence. I also predicted the Beanie Baby boom of the 1990s,” said Janson.

“Janson is a freak,” complained Thuckman’s suitemate, Dave Grossman ’12. “All he ever does is pressure Jim to use a neti pot to sift for more gold and warn us about smallpox.” Thuckman acknowledged his suitemate’s discomfort with Janson but shrugged it off. “This is the American Dream. Work hard, go to school, pick your nose at school, find gold, befriend an illiterate townie and displace massive populations of Native American peoples. If they can’t handle that, they should take it up with the Constitution."

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