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The Brown Noser

Student Paying Attention To Literally Any Screen Around Her Except For The Massive One Displaying Lecture Slides

Published Saturday, February 18th, 2023

Surrounded by hundreds of laptops in the MacMillan auditorium, junior Alyssa Lorenzo is paying attention to literally any screen around her except for the massive one displaying the lecture slides.

“At first, I was watching the person in front of me play 2048,” reported Lorenzo, recounting how she regularly resorts to invading her classmates’ privacy instead of just sitting there and paying attention to her professor. “After that, I watched a little basketball because the guy next to me was streaming the game, and then I spent a few minutes watching someone across the aisle shop for dresses on Urban Outfitters.”

Although Lorenzo could simply watch the high-definition, incredibly thorough PowerPoint presentation being projected onto the massive screen at the front of the lecture hall, she still opted to engage in some classic voyeurism, shifting in her seat to see her classmates’ laptop screens.

“Honestly, today’s viewing was a little dry,” added Lorenzo, reflecting upon previous classes when she actively ignored the one that would immensely benefit her studies. “Last week, the girl in front of me was fighting with her boyfriend over text, and I thought they were for sure going to break up, but he was sending her Amtrak train schedules to New York during the next class, so I guess they worked things out.”

At press time, Lorenzo was spotted refreshing her email inbox every thirty seconds instead of just taking notes.

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