Sources report that Alan Peters, who spent last Spring studying abroad in Taiwan, processed his entire experience through analogies to U.S. culture. Peters, who took several international affairs classes at National Taiwan University in the capital of Taipei, described the city as the “Washington D.C. of Taiwan”.
“It was a valuable learning experience but I didn’t know Taiwan had such a huge beef with China,” said Peters, who was only capable of understanding an entire nation’s complex geopolitical history and heritage through tenous connections to American culture. “Apparently they had a civil war a while ago, kind of like ours. Except there was no Abraham Lincoln.”
Peters also attempted to describe how the People’s Republic of China on the mainland and the Republic of China in Taiwan both claim to be the sole legitimate government.
“Imagine if Rhode Island seceded from the Union but still referred to themselves as the United States,” explained Peters, entirely dismissing nuance and context. “The only difference is that Taiwan is an actual island and Rhode Island is a misnomer.”
Sources report that this narrow, U.S. centered mindset was not just limited to his academic endeavors while abroad.
“I think my favorite place I visited was Taroko National Park which was just like the Grand Canyon except more tropical,” continued Peters, clearly unable to comprehend how any region outiside of America could have its own people, culture, and national parks. “It rains a lot more there too, which is strange because it hardly ever rains in the Grand Canyon.”
At press time, Peters likened the food he ate there to, “Panda Express, but higher quality and way more authentic.”