Partly Cloudy, 64°
As the semester begins anew, Trent Garrison ’14 is set to resume his vegetarian diet, but not without the guilt of a summer of chowing down on barbecued human legs and pulled person sandwiches.
“It’s too hard to eat vegetarian at home,” commented Garrison. “I tried for the first week or so, but when Mom brings out the special human wings for the Fourth of July, you really can’t say no.”
Garrison started being a vegetarian at the beginning of his sophomore year. “It’s a way to help the environment, as well as a way to protest the atrocities in the meat packing industry,” explained Garrison.
“I mean, who really knows where our meat comes from? It could be farm-raised humans from Oklahoma or it could just be people that get hit by cars. A lot of these so-called ‘Free Range’ meats aren’t really all that free-range. Yeah, the guy might have a 1000 square foot apartment, but that doesn’t mean they’re not constantly feeding him Twinkies and keeping him in front of the TV.”
“I eat meat at home mainly for the sake of my parents,” he noted. “They’re old world, you know? If I didn’t eat the roast leg of man at dinner my parents would think something was wrong with me. Old habits die hard, I guess.”
Garrison also admitted that it’s hard to eat vegetarian when all of his friends at home eat meat. “I don’t like being that guy who has to say no when my friends want to go out for a bite to eat and brutally murder a random passerby for the taste of his flesh over an open fire,” he lamented. “I lost a lot of friends because I was a vegetarian last summer, and it took a lot of this summer to win them back.”
Though glad to be back at school and back to his normal eating habits, Garrison did admit that there may be some bumps in the road. “I’m doing okay with the transition back to vegetarian food,” he related. “But my roommate is looking awful good right now.”
