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Sources report that first-year Lucas Moore was shocked to see several classmates on the Amtrak back home, as if every other student at this school isn’t from fucking New Jersey.
“When I first arrived at Providence Place Station, I was surprised by how many students I saw dressed in Brown merch,” said Moore, baffled by the sheer number of students he recognized about to board Acela Train 2165 back to the Garden State. “I spotted my Econ TA, my roommate’s girlfriend, Klara from VISA 100, and like nine girls from the women’s lacrosse team. It was absolutely crazy and so unexpected!”
“Had I known so many of us would be on the same train, I would have coordinated Ubers from campus and split the cost to the station,” continued Moore, traveling back to his affluent suburban hometown where a high percentage of fellow college-aged residents attend Brown. “What’s even weirder is that nearly all of us got off the train at Newark’s Penn Station. What are the odds of that? I told my mom and she was equally shocked!”
At press time, Moore was saying he was “basically from New York.”
