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The Brown Noser

Student Stays In Friday Night To Work On Mysterious Loner Persona

Published Sunday, October 27th, 2013

As the semester progresses, many students are feeling the stress of juggling work and social lives at Brown. One student in particular, Jacob Hogan ‘17, is staying in this Friday to get some work done on his mysterious loner personality.

Hogan admitted that he is a “little overwhelmed” at how difficult college can be when it comes to things like schoolwork, classes, and convincing other people that he is a strong and solitary enigma of a human being.

“I mean, everyone told me that college wouldn’t be like high school, but I guess I couldn’t really know that until I got here,” Hogan confessed, as he is still dealing with having once been a big, cryptic fish in a small, easily understood pond. “I guess this means that I have to work harder…but if I have to stay in and sacrifice a few nights of partying to really convince random people that I am a many-layered onion of esotericism, then so be it.”

Hogan has worked incredibly hard to try and develop himself into the person that he wants simple commoners to think he is. He revealed, “I sometimes sit silent for hours while examining my surroundings in a brooding way.”

When asked about what he planned to do this specific Friday night, Hogan replied, “I think I might choke down neat whiskey and practice my contemplative stares into people’s souls. And then I might grow a beard—I don’t really know yet.”

As an afterthought, Hogan added, “Maybe I should find a group to work on this with.”

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