Sources report that Brown senior Luton McFarland was treating the process of getting the optimal dishes before the Ratty closed like he was a grizzled general planning for war.

“With a quick sweep of comforts, I should be able to save some of the jerk-style chicken before it’s gone," he said matter-of-factly. "Recovery of salad probably has a negligible chance of success at this point, though.”

“If I finish by flanking the pasta and pizza area, and making evasive maneuvers at the ice cream and freestyle machines before they shut off, I should be able to hit the side exits with the mission a full success,” he said, desperately scrawling a diagram of his planned movements on a napkin.

At press time, McFarland was seen army crawling into a class he had arrived late to.

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