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The Brown Noser

Student Strategically Planning Which Foods To Get Before Ratty Closes Like Grizzled General About To Enter Battle

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019

Sources report that Brown senior Luton McFarland was treating the process of getting the optimal dishes before the Ratty closed like he was a grizzled general planning for war.

“With a quick sweep of comforts, I should be able to save some of the jerk-style chicken before it’s gone," he said matter-of-factly. "Recovery of salad probably has a negligible chance of success at this point, though.”

“If I finish by flanking the pasta and pizza area, and making evasive maneuvers at the ice cream and freestyle machines before they shut off, I should be able to hit the side exits with the mission a full success,” he said, desperately scrawling a diagram of his planned movements on a napkin.

At press time, McFarland was seen army crawling into a class he had arrived late to.

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